"Let's make it ok to not be ok."
“Let’s make it ok to not be ok.”
- My boyfriend, Tucker Barney, on episode 1 of my new mental health podcast, Mentally Together!
I just released the first episode of my new mental health podcast, Mentally Together!
For our very first episode, I'm introducing you to the person I always get to throw all of my feelings at - my boyfriend, roommate, and adventure partner: Tucker Barney! On the outside, Tucker seems like a masculine, confident, positive man - which he is, but there's a softer, more emotional side to him that you might not see at first glance. He's had some low moments in his mental health journey, and is constantly trying to battle toxic masculinity.
That’s one of my main reasons for starting this podcast - to reduce the stigma around mental health, and bring to light the fact that just because someone looks “happy” on the outside, that doesn’t mean they’re not struggling with something internally. Personally, I know I come off as a super happy and bubbly person - and yes, that is me. But underneath that, there’s depression, anxiety, and symptoms of ADHD that I deal with every day (and then, of course, there’s other ADHD symptoms that feel like my superpower!!).
Here are 3 big points I took away from this episode:
We need to treat our mental pain in the same way we treat physical pain. For Tucker, he’s been to the doctor way too many times for broken bones, dislocated shoulders, etc. But it took him a long time to go ask for help when his brain wasn’t feeling good. Now he makes a point of doing mental exercises too - like reading and meditating - to strengthen his brain.
Asking for help is one big way to combat toxic masculinity. As Tucker explains in this episode, young boys grow up being told to “be a man” and “be strong,” which often means not asking for help when you’re struggling. Once Tucker finally asked for help, he realized he didn’t have to handle everything on his own. Now it’s second nature for him to just talk about what he’s feeling in a direct and open way, and he’s able to move through it so much easier with the help of the people around him.
There are no “benefits or challenges” to dating someone with mental illness - it’s just how it is. There will be days when your partner who has depression, anxiety, or anything else is struggling, and sometimes on those days, they might not express themselves in the way they typically want to. But for me and Tucker, we’re learning to identify those days in ourselves, and also in the other person, and then giving patience and forgiveness to our partner when they’re having an off day.
Watch the video version of the podcast below, or listen on Spotify, Apple & Google Podcasts.